If you've seen me lately, you might have noticed bite marks on my tongue. Before your mind goes there...they would be from me biting my tongue to help me not say what I want to say to my daughter. You see, I'm in the process of letting her...letting her be who she wants to be. And who she wants to be is definitely not me. Although...
...She wants to cook. And the way she cooks is not the way I cook. (I use a recipe, I clean as I go, I don't really experiment...)
...She wants to sew. Without a pattern. Without following directions. Without my help, thank you very much. Except occasionally to thread the machine, which still seems to have her stumped.
...She wants acrylic nails. Despite the fact that every time she asked, I said no. I said they're expensive to have, and a lot of work, and time, and money to keep up with (relatively speaking, for someone who has no income stream). I had acrylics for awhile, a couple of decades ago. When I was young, and single, and taught but also worked at Domino's Pizza for some extra disposable income. And I decided they weren't worth the time and the money. And that awful smell in the salon.
Anyway...The day after school got out in May, she had a friend over. She asked if they could go get a manicure. We have a nail place just around the corner, so I said okay, I would drop them off and they could walk home. 2 hours later when they weren't yet home I got a phone call from her, saying they'd be leaving in a few minutes. Wow, I thought, there must have been a long wait...Until they arrived home, and she showed me her nails. She had gotten acrylics. "Don't they look pretty mom?" she said. "But you didn't have permission" I responded. "Yeah, but don't they look great?" "but you didn't have permission," I said again. And then I let it go. After all, it's her money.
But a week later (having repolished them about 5 times) she started volleyball camp. On the second day of camp they worked on setting. She came home saying, "I hate these nails. I want to get rid of them." and off she went. Quite a while later she emerged, still hating her nails, for some reason mad at me. (For some reason, it's always my fault) I asked if she wanted me to find out how to remove them. And so I went online, found some websites with instructions. I knew I could take her back to the salon, but I wanted her to live with her decision, rather than for me to solve her problem. Too impatient to wait the time that the website suggested with her fingers in nail polish remover, she took matters into her own hands. When next I saw her, she was prying the nails off with a paring knife. I held my tongue, and prayed that she wouldn't slice her finger off. An hour or so later she emerged, nail free.
Several days later she was on a trip with her friend in Southern Cal. She called one evening and she told me that the next day they were getting their nails done. "Acrylics?" I asked. No, "I'm never ever ever ever ever ever going to get those again. They were horrible." "Yes!" I whispered to myself on the other end of the line. Successful mothering.
...She wants purple hair. Just dipped on the ends. Please mom. Please. Please. After she asked a few times, I finally agreed... when she could pay for it. So...when they go to camp they always get some money at the camp store, for ice cream snacks, etc during the week, and a souvenir tshirt or something if they want. Anything they don't spend they get to keep. Brianna saved almost the entire amount. So after camp, the first thing she did when she got to a store, was buy a purple hair dye kit.
I thought she had told me that they were temporary. But the instructions said first to bleach the hair. Oy. That's not what I wanted to hear. I've never even dyed my hair, let alone bleached it and colored it purple. Unless you count that one summer a couple of decades ago (Hmmm, I think it was at the same time when I had the acrylic nails...when I was about 25...not 12) when I used lemon juice and sunlight to lighten my hair.
Anyhow...Yesterday was the big day. Probably the hardest thing about this was knowing that if she didn't like it, somehow it would be my fault. And it was permanent. And her hair doesn't grow that fast. And she is incredibly beautiful, even without dying her hair. But after having her read the instructions, then read them again, then tell me what she had read, the process began. Midway through the bleaching she finally called me and asked me for help. Which I gave.
And when she was done bleaching the bottom 3 inches of her hair, I thought, hmmm, not bad. Better than I had expected. Kinda cute. And she thought so too... (yes! Successful mothering...) and she wasn't sure if she still wanted to cover the bleach part with purple, hoping for an ombre effect (dark to light). Finally she decided to just do the tips in purple. (Less hair to cut off if she didn't like it) And we finished the job. without getting purple on any of the furniture, or walls, or floors. (Yes! successful mothering again). And I think she likes it.
And now the job is done. The purple is barely visible. And I keep wondering what she'll come up with next. And how long I'll have to bite my tongue. (So far she still thinks tattoos are stupid...)
No comments:
Post a Comment