She didn't mean to. All she did was ask me how my day was going so far. It was only 8:45---so how risky was that question?
First day of school. First day of lots of change. Tears like a river, and as far as I know, they're all mine. I thought we were doing okay. Everyone got up when I asked them. No one complained about breakfast. Or their uniform. (Okay, there was a little bit of complaining about the uniform, but much less than I expected). We weren't having a bad hair day (as far as I know). And we left in time to get to school on time. (Not necessarily a given).
Can I just say that I have never cried on the first day of school. (Well, except maybe when I was teaching). The first day of Kindergarten...smiles and dancing a jig. Second child first day of Kindergarten...happier jig. First day of Middle school, not a problem. I really didn't think today would be any different.
But when we got to school, the kids got out of the car and began to walk across the parking lot. Mark met them half way (he was already there for Bible study this morning). One of my children proceeded with no problems. The other one lagged behind. Then when Mark was walking this child, the child said, "I hate this school already." When the child walked into the building, Mark came back to me and told me. And the tears began.
This is so hard. And it's not just because my child is hurting. It's hard because I can totally relate. No, I don't hate school (and I know this is going to be a great one), but it's the meeting people thing. And I know exactly what my child is feeling. I don't want to go in either.After the kids were dropped off there was a meet the parents coffee. I was going to go. But I couldn't drag myself in. I didn't want to meet any new parents.
So instead, I drove out of the parking lot, tears in my eyes, and drove to Starbucks. Where I paid $4 for a cup of coffee. Because I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. Except the barista. Who made me cry.
Here's my prayer. That all the women in Phoenix will see past your reserve of meeting and chit chatting, and have a burning desire to know the wonderful women you are. Also, I always did a happy dance when school started!
ReplyDeleteOh Susan . . . this brings back so many memories when we moved to Kingwood 21 years ago . . . I was so concerned about my children making sure they were okay . . . I was not . . . I did everything for everyone else but not myself . . . I even gave up running . . . countless hours I spend paralyzed sitting on the couch (each move I was told was worth a 10 pound weight gain I ended up with a 20 pound weight gain) . . . Two specific things I remember a couple of friends said . . . one thing to watch for is depression . . . if you are stuck on the couch get off . . . the other friend said in the midst of one of her transfers I just need make myself happy. Really? I get permission to make myself happy. Susan my prayer for you that in each day you find something that makes you happy. Hugs! Moni B.
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