It all changes. When the child is yours and not just some annoying student in your classroom. Who never seems to turn in an assignment. But on the rare occasion that they do it's well done and insightful. Who seems not to care about grades. Whom you are sure should be kept out of sports until they get their grades up. Whom your husband keeps saying is great in the band classroom but you just aren't seeing it.
And then your child is the one coming home with a failing report card. And they don't turn in their work even when you sat with them watching them complete it. Who HATES to read. Who lives for sports, and you're pretty sure if it weren't for the team they are on, you'd never even be able to get them to go to school, and certainly taking them off the team should be the motivation they need, but the threat of it doesn't improve the grades.
And the frustration grows and grows, especially for the mom for whom an A- was just about the same as an F. And the guilt about what kind of lousy parent am I?
And you finally seek help. And get a diagnosis. ADHD. And of the 9 markers (6 would be a positive diagnosis), your child has a score of 9. Fine time to get a perfect score.
And you realize your child has been in over their head for some time now, but it's finally gotten so deep that even on their tippy-toes they can no longer get a breath of air, and they can no longer pass on the basis of their good looks and charming personality.
And then you see a chart that shows the ADHD iceberg (only 1/8 of an iceberg is visible above the surface). And the visible signs of ADHD-Inattentive are: disorganized, doesn't follow through, doesn't pay attention, is forgetful, doesn't seem to listen, distractible, makes careless mistakes, loses things, doesn't do school work. And you say "Yup" for every one of them.
But beneath the surface are other symptoms like impaired sense of time (doesn't judge passage of time accurately, loses track of time, often late, doesn't have skills to plan ahead, difficulty estimating time required for tasks, etc); and low frustration tolerance (difficulty controlling emotions, short fuse, emotionally reactive, etc); not learning easily from rewards and punishment (repeats misbehavior, may be difficult to discipline, less likely to follow rules, must have immediate rewards, long term rewards don't work); and sleep disturbances (doesn't get restful sleep, can't fall asleep, can't wake up, late for school, irritable, morning battles with parents).
And you say "Yup" to all of those too.
And you know for certain that they are not stupid, and they are not lazy, but it's the neurotransmitters in their brain that are not working correctly.
And you feel like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders because it's not you, and it's not even them. And you know you have a long way to go, and a lot of hard work ahead, but it doesn't seem as hopeless anymore.
And you read this, "Let's not forget the positives...we've got to recognize our strengths and special talents. Many of us have a wonderful zest for living and have high energy. Life is never dull when we're around. We often have creative ideas and unique ways of thinking about things. We can also hyperfocus and work on projects much longer than most people. In fact, sometimes, we become so engrossed in our projects that we lose all track of time."
And you think, "Yup!"
